Puerto Rico? Perfecto.

                I had originally started my blog with the intention of tracking all of the cool/interesting/terrible/random places I would be going over the course of the coming years as a consultant. To be honest, I had aspirations of being as funny as “In the Exit Row”…and yet, here I sit, more than six months in(!!) without a post to speak of. I wasn’t truly inspired (except for maybe that time I went to Arkansas just for the novelty effect) until this week, when I had the opportunity to travel to San Juan, Puerto Rico for work!

                I know, right? It’s kind of the ultimate opportunity, especially in January. Although what was supposed to be six people for “at least two weeks” devolved into three of us for one, I somehow found myself landing at SJU (after a first-class flight, mind you) early Monday afternoon. It was a beautiful thing, since work didn’t even start until Tuesday. I lounged by the pool for an hour or so until my colleagues (aren’t I such a real person? I have colleagues now.) arrived and settled in. Once we were finally able to communicate with each other (Puerto Rico might possibly be the only place in the world that AT&T puts Verizon completely to shame when it comes to service), we decided to go on the best type of adventure – one for food and the beach.

Not a bad first day on the job, right?

                The roads of Puerto Rico leave a lot to be desired. Sometimes two-way streets turn into one-way streets that had a nasty habit of ending up in the direction opposite of that which you’re going, traffic signals are taken mostly as suggestions, exits are not clearly marked (if they’re even marked at all), etc. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking to volunteer to drive. Luckily one of the boys decided (and/or we forced him via never volunteering) to take on the burden and we made it through the day (and the week!) totally unscathed.

                As we meandered the streets of San Juan/the beginnings of Old San Juan, our desire to see the beach quickly gave way to our desire to eat as all of realized that it had been a relatively foodless day. We went to Punto de Visto (a restaurant right by where the many, many, many cruise ships stop) and got ourselves the Puerto Rican specialty, Mofongo. (I had heard of it because I checked with my resident tour guide, Robyn, who had thankfully been to PR before.) It essentially seemed like a bowl composed of fried plantains filled with shrimp (although you could fill it with other things as well) and covered in one of a couple of different sauces (I went with the tomato-y one that is the traditional choice). Sticking with the local theme, we got some Bacardi mojitos to go with it. (Two for one special – how could we go wrong?) I went with a Watermelon one because I’m a genius. It tasted like candy, or possibly happiness.

                Obviously, now that we all (or at least I) had giant food babies as a result of our ridiculous(ly delicious) meal, we thought it wise to go to the beach. We got there right before sunset – it was at the beach that I first truly realized how beautiful this island is. The number of  pictures I took on my iphone (I know, I know…I should’ve brought my real camera BUT I had a suitcase with two weeks worth of stuff already so don’t judge me) definitely affirms this, though I may have been a bit aggressive in the quantity. (It’s gotta be in the hundreds.) Regardless, we relaxed in the water, felt adequately guilty that the other three people were stuck in the 19 degree Arkansas weather, got over it, took more pictures, and headed back to the hotel to get ready for the quickly approaching work day.

The boys were instagram-ing this SO hard.

                We headed to work bright and early the next morning, sat in a windowless room and left after sunset. (Okay, I’m probably making it sound a bit worse than it really was because it’s hard to draw the sympathy card when you’re working from Puerto Rico.) We got lunch at a shack across the street that literally had a menu which consisted of two items: chicken tacos and meat tacos. Their liquor repository on the other hand had pretty much everything you could think of. I was pretty unsurprised. The tacos were sooo good and met my expectations exactly. After work, we headed back to the hotel where my colleagues made me feel bad about myself for not working out that morning (I promise I’ve become a “morning workout” person…we just had to get up so early in Puerto Rico), so I went to the gym. Afterwards, I totally ruined anything I’d gained from the workout by going to a Brazilian steakhouse (Texas de Brazil?) for dinner. It was fine but I’m not sure I’d go back.

Definitely a reasonable proportion of bottles to meal choices. I have no qualms.

                The next day was pretty much the same, with the key differences being around food. (It should come as no surprise that this entry is to focus largely around food, since I’m alllll about a good meal.) For lunch, we were looking for a little American flair so we found the nearest Starbucks and headed to the mall. We got typical food court stuff for lunch (although I think I threw “Mr. Sandwich” off by ordering a salad as it became an ordeal which took excessively long), and then headed to Starbucks. The real highlight of our mall adventure was navigating back to the car. We had chosen the wrong row (these things happen) and to get to our car, we had one of two options: walk all the way around or cut across via a hill that had to be at an 80 degree incline. Obviously the rest of the team chose the incline, and because I’m a healthy combination of not bright and stubborn, I thought I’d follow suit…in heels. (Okay, wedges. But STILL.) I was focusing about 90% of my brain power on not falling and dying (no small feat, mind you) when suddenly I heard a cacophony of noise. It seemed the group of ladies getting into the car right after the edge of the hill had a lot of feelings about my descent. (I’m feeling like I need to clear this up –by hill I mean the entire experience lasted like 13 seconds. I’m not sorry for the build-up because the emotional rollercoaster I endured was totally real.) They were at once trying to express their fear for my safety, their anger at the rest of the team for not helping me, their encouragement, and I’m pretty sure their surprise at my ineptitude as a human being for thinking this was a good idea…don’t worry, you guys. I’m fine. We headed back for an uneventful afternoon.

                After work, we headed into Old San Juan for dinner. Old San Juan is the type of area I love to spend my time in – old, cobblestone streets, historic sites, super kitschy tourist shops, locals trying to sell you things – it’s the dream. We decided to go to Raices, a restaurant someone had heard of/got good reviews on Yelp. (Note: Yelp works in Puerto Rico and it’s awesome.) This also led to some interesting social situations. It is first of the place where I confirmed that no one who actually speaks Spanish thinks that I have the capacity to speak Spanish. Our waitress talked to everyone else at the table in Spanish, gave me a once-over, and went for English. This happened all over. Rude, Puerto Rico. Just rude. I expressed this when she was within earshot, and then she gave my pity-Spanish for the rest of the night. (She’d say something in Spanish and then look at me sadly, as though waiting for me to ask her what it meant.) I made the excellent call of ordering a mojito which came in a glass I got to keep (and I didn’t even have to steal it) and a salmon for dinner, which was really good. More interesting than the meal though, was the fact the two girls from my high school who I haven’t talked to since high school sat down literally at the table next to us. What is my life? I should have said hi, but didn’t get the chance. SORRY FOR BEING THE WORST. Anyway, I was still pretty entertained that it happened. We walked around Old San Juan for a bit and headed up the El Moro, the famous fort. They were setting up for the famous street festival of San Sebastian, which was beginning the next day though, so we were unable to drive all the way. We walked up and around, but couldn’t see all that much at night.

                The next day, I had to head out for just a night. I ran a recruiting event at Duke with two other recent graduates who work at my firm and while I was thrilled to be back to campus, I was pretty bummed that I was missing out on San Sebastian, and flying into a pretty heavy snow storm. I was pretty ill-prepared for the weather and the fact that there was a taxi-line, but otherwise, it was nice to be back. I got to have breakfast with Anne and the event went really well!

                Unfortunately, I was unable to get a very early flight back to PR, but I did get upgraded again, so I didn’t have too much to complain about. I got into the hotel at about 1230 the following morning, and while I knew the boys were out and about at the street fair, I could just hear my parents telling me that it was a horrible, horrible idea to go find them, so I decided against it. (You’re welcome, parents.) Although I missed out on the fun, I made myself feel better by deciding to wake up early and get some exploring in while the whole of Old San Juan recovered.

                I got to the city with the help of my awesome taxi driver who gave me some helpful tips and was just generally very nice. If you ever need a ride, I have his business card and could hook you up. When I arrived at about 830, it truly seemed like everyone was in recovery mode – most of the stores were closed, and very few people were around. I took a walk along the water then decided to head up to El Moro to see it in the daylight. While en route, a couple of touristy shops opened up, so I popped into a couple and ultimately decided to buy a few stupid things (including, of course, a Christmas ornament) from the first one I’d gone to. (Typical.)

                I made it up to El Moro by about 10:30 – I was planning to take a free shuttle my taxi driver had told me about, but it didn’t arrive instantaneously at my whim so I quickly lost patience and decided to walk. I wandered a bit, took some pictures, and even requested someone take a solo shot of me! (This is very not my style, but it felt necessary.) I didn’t have too much time though, because we were heading to an island off the coast, Vieques on a flight leaving at 1PM.

#soloshot #sorryimnotsorry

El Moro, in all it's glor-o! (That's gotta be the Spanish for glory, right?)

                I made my way back down, and stumbled into the heart of the fair. While I’m sure it was very different in the day time, there were all sorts of stands selling every food you can imagine, beer, beer, and more beer, and locally made jewelry and art. I casually ran into a parade of sorts which involved masks that were laughably big as well as some singing, dancing and clapping. I admired/clapped for a little then continued on my trek. My colleagues had switched hotels for the night, so were staying right in the city. I brought them some Starbucks to help them rally because I’m a wonderful person, and we prepared to head to the airport. I was getting a little stressed out for time because I like to be at the airport fairly early, but they assured me we would be fine. It turns out that the “airport” is walkable from our hotel and literally a one-room building. There were no boarding passes, there was no security – heck, there wasn’t even a loudspeaker. They asked me how much I weigh so they could balance out the plane, and I ended up sitting behind the pilot who I made pose for a picture before take-off. It was a 30 minute flight and it was incredible. We snagged some awesome pictures and touched down at a bigger, but still pretty pathetic (aka awesome) airport. We picked up our rental jeep (not quite a wrangler, but still moderately rugged) and headed to our hotel, the Hacienda Tamarindo in Esperanza (along roads that were not quite wide enough for two cars but were all two-way streets nonetheless. Sometimes wild horses would just walk along the road, not caring at all that you’re there.)

Nope, this isn't our gate. THIS IS THE ENTIRE AIRPORT.

That's a thing I rode in.

Who says you're not allowed in the cockpit? He was excited - in his own words "It's windy out. This is gunna be fun."

Psh? No phones during flights? As if.

View from the Hacienda (aka my future residence)

There was some debate as to whether we should stay at the W Retreat and Spa (since we’re all about Starwoods) or a more local, homey place. Luckily, we decided to go with the latter. I’m obsessed with our hotel and think I want to live there. We arrived and got a personal tour of the hotel and amenities from the only person working there at the time. Everything at the hotel is on the honor system, which I think is pretty reflective of the island. They don’t really keep track of what you do, but if you drink from the bar, just write down what you had; if you use chairs/beach towel/cooler, just bring them back; if you buy sunscreen or bug spray, just write it down. It was very cool. It was beautiful – pretty much every window you would look out of or balcony you would sit at required many pictures to be taken. We settled down and headed to “Blue beach”, a favorite of the locals. Along the way, we stopped at a food truck along the downtown strip and got some fried conch, which were incredible. The beach was perfect – sun, sand, drinks and ocean. 

You know it's gunna be good when it's endorsed by a painting of Homer Simpson.

I don't think anyone's ever felt blue at Blue Beach.

We hung out there for a few hours and then headed back into town to prepare for our bioluminescent bay tour, something the island is famous for. The bay seems to light up because of the dinoflagellate plankton which give off light when they’re disturbed – (SWE does an activity about it for FEMMES. You should totally check out our website and learn more about it.) It was very neat, especially since I somehow finagled my way into doing no work during the kayak tour. (We were a group of three and I snagged the middle seat.) We headed back to the hotel after the tour and prepared for dinner. My one complaint about this otherwise awesome hotel is that there’s no conditioner. (First world problems?) I somehow managed to struggle through though, and off to dinner we went, to El Quenepo. The restaurant we ate at was definitely my favorite of the trip. I actually wanted everything on the menu. I ended up getting some beef over pasta with spices, peppers, and all good things. It was deeeeeelicious. After closing the restaurant down, we walked along the “downtown strip” of beach-shack bars to go see how Vieques spends its Saturday nights.

Sunset waiting for our tour van to come pick us up

                We settled on “Lazy Jack’s” bar since it seemed to have the vibe we were going for. We got a truly local experience, since one of my colleagues is notorious for chatting up any and everybody and he did just that. We ended up going to a bonfire on one of the nearby beaches which was definitely an interesting experience…

Oh, you know. Just a casual evening out.

                Although we got back sort of late, we still wanted to make the most out of the next day/take advantage of the free breakfast at the hotel. After picking up the car and wandering around a bit (which definitely concluded with me trespassing on private property…oops), I did my best to make sure everyone was rallied before the 10AM deadline. After enjoying some eggs, we tried to decide how to spend our last day. We wanted to try out paddle boarding and tried a few places with no luck. As we were driving downtown, however, we saw that the “fun brothers” shack offered paddle boards. There were only two, but we got them and some snorkel gear. They paddled and I swam out to one of the nearby (like, very nearby) islands. (So this is an island off the coast of an island which is off of the coast of an island which is off the coast of the states – it’s essentially Inception.) I was feeling like a champion until I was climbing around the rocks and noticed they were covered in sea urchins, at which point I became (perhaps irrationally) paralyzed with fear. It was cool though, with the help of some people we met, I was able to navigate my way to the paddle board and give it a try. I was more surprised than perhaps I should have been, but let’s just say I don’t think I have a future in it. At one point, a boat came over and asked if I needed to be saved. I think they were offended when I said I was fine. (“We watched you going backwards for awhile...”) Whatever. I’m going to blame the current? (It was flat and there was hardly any wind, but you weren’t there so you don’t know that.) Anyway, once I finally made it to the “beach” part of the island, I had the chance to do some snorkeling. The fish I saw by the coast were much cooler than those I had seen on my swim over (aka one lonely fish and a single Medalla light can). We paddled (okay, I swam) back, took some pictures (photo op!), and headed back to the hotel. 

No, it's fine. I wasn't trying to drive here anyway. You do you.

Ignoring the above commentary, I look like I could totally paddleboard, right? RIGHT?

We said our last goodbyes and left to go check out what we were missing at the W…frankly, not too much. It was fine (it was really nice), but it had none of the local charm and was set up such that you would never leave so you wouldn’t really get any of the true Vieques spirit. We got to the airport with a solid 15 minutes to spare (so at this airport, we were probably early), and headed out right around sunset. We snagged some good pictures (obvi), landed, and walked back to our hotel just in time to catch the end of the 49ers game. We watched the game over a light dinner at one of the restaurants right at the hotel that was pretty mediocre. We checked in for the night, and while I was excited to have been upgraded to my awesome executive suite, I was kind of bummed that I was only there for a single night!

Today was sad. We worked until about 2 then headed to the airport. We got to our gate with just minutes to spare, and are currently en route to Chicago (and then to Arkansas). When the pilot announced Chicago’s current 9 degree weather at the beginning of the flight there was an audible groan from the entire plane. That pretty much sums up my feelings about leaving this beautiful place – I hope I have the chance to go somewhere else as exciting soon!